Death is the last thing any engaged couple wants to think about. Yet, in her wisdom, the Church invites us all to remember our death, memento mori, reminding us that we all will return to dust some day. Death, however, is not the end of the story. We know that at the end of Lent comes the Easter resurrection, just as at the end of our earthly pilgrimage comes death, judgement, then, by the grace of God, life eternal in heaven, and at the end of your engagement comes the sacrament of marriage and unity with your spouse as long as you both shall live! At the end of each of these periods of preparation, there is a union with the beloved. Woohoo! But what about this preparation time? How do we prepare? We must act now.
To illustrate the importance of preparing for heaven now, I want to share a story. Recently, two sisters, both in their twenties, with their parents were returning home from attending their grandfather’s funeral when an oncoming driver swerved left of center and struck their car. They both died shortly afterward in the hospital from their injuries on the feast day of Saint Valentine. My family and I attended their funeral mass, along with many hundreds of family and friends, on the Saturday after Ash Wednesday. The deceased older sister was recently married, and on her memorial prayer card was a picture of her and her husband on their wedding day. They looked so beautiful and happy in the picture. No one could have known that a car accident would end her earthly life so soon.
It is sometimes difficult for all of us ‘young people’ (who are probably still closer to our birth than to our death) to keep in mind that our death is certain and may be closer than we realize! I had forgotten this so quickly, as it was just days before the funeral mass that I took my three children to the Ash Wednesday mass, had ashes put on my own forehead, and had been reminded that I am dust and to dust I shall return. This was a great reminder for me, and for all of us, that we only have today. This goal must be kept in mind from the beginning: we are made for eternity with God in heaven. Let us not wait to start our prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. Let us strive for holiness here and now!
Furthermore, it is tempting to think to yourself, ‘After I am married, I will start to have a great prayer life with my new husband (or wife)’ or say to yourself, ‘After the stress of wedding planning is over, then I can pray more regularly with my fiancé.’ Let us not procrastinate and put off our call to holiness until later. This Lent, as we remember that we are dust and to dust we shall return, we should be reminded to pray now, sacrifice now, do good for others now, give now, and die to self now. We must act with the goal of heaven in mind.
What are some practical ways you and your fiancé can call each other on towards holiness this Lent?
- Add going to daily mass once during the week. (This is what I am trying to do for Lent - a difficult thing with three little ones). If you already attend mass once during the week, try to increase the number. It is especially wonderful if you can coordinate mass with your fiancé on Sundays.
- Give up kissing entirely. This is a way to focus on getting to know your fiancé on a deeper level. When my husband and I were dating and engaged, we did this for different periods of time and it was always beneficial and helped us focus on getting to know each other more deeply.
- Add some kind of shared prayer together such as the rosary, night prayer, or compose a prayer together and then pray it regularly. Pray for your future marriage and children, and ask for help in struggles and thanksgiving for grace. Pray with each other nightly on a phone call or video chat.
- Read the Sunday readings, talk about them together, and listen to a Sunday homily or reflection together before heading to mass.
- Volunteer together. Consider helping out together at a food pantry or clothing ministry near you. While we were dating and engaged, my husband and I volunteered sorting boxes of donated items to the local clothing ministry for homeless families. We found it to be a prayerful and meditative experience to quietly work for the benefit of others in need.
This Lent, as you prepare for your future marriage, continue to remember your death and that you will return to dust, while keeping in mind the goal: heaven together. Your marriage is not about one day, it is just the beginning of a lifetime together. And through this sacrament, we trust that God gives us the grace that we need to be Saints in eternity.
Anna at Cana
Married December 15, 2015 at Saint Patrick Church in Columbus, Ohio
Mother of three on Earth and 1 in heaven
PS. If you are engaged and have not yet signed up for Cana, sign up here! If you already have a wedding website with the other guys, don’t worry, there’s still time to switch :)
