A few weeks ago, during the Second Sunday of Advent, I jumped in line for confession behind a woman that I met only a few weeks prior. We had found out that we both went to the same college and overlapped for two years; it was like we were instant friends. Feeling talkative in the confession line (I know, I really should have been doing an examination of conscience and not being so distracting), I said to her, “I hate going to confession.” I couldn’t believe I said it out loud. We both laughed right away at the bluntness and the silliness of the statement since we were both in line for confession. She said that she loved to be the first in line for confession so that she didn’t have to wait. And I said that I prefer the exact opposite, preferring instead to jump in line at the end so it would not be my fault if I didn’t get in before the confession time ended. Oh my, I have great spiritual progress to be made in this area.
That little story may be a backwards way to start trying to convince you and your fiancé to go to confession during this Advent season. Intellectually, I know the great importance and effectiveness of confession (even if it be as ill-prepared for as mine was). I know the great effects of confession, namely, the forgiveness of sins, through which we start over fresh with God’s grace to overcome the very sins that we confess. Thankfully, the effectiveness of the grace given in confession does not depend on our feelings of anxiety or uncomfortableness in going to confession; the grace works in our lives regardless of our feelings. Maybe that little story will convince you to go to confession; after reading about my awkward hesitancy before going to confession, know that by God’s grace you will also be able to overcome this same hesitancy. God gave us this great gift in the sacrament of confession, allowing us to start over and receive the grace with which we can go and sin no more and avoid whatever leads us to sin. I want to be a saint, to be the best wife and mother that I can be, but I cannot do so without the grace of God in the sacrament of confession.
To finish the story about confession, I was the very last person to make it into the confessional before the next mass started (which is when the confession time ends at St. Patrick’s in Columbus, Ohio).
Frequent confession, especially during this Advent season, is a great way to prepare for Christmas and for your future marriage. Think of it, there is one week left until Christmas when Jesus is to be born. How better to prepare for His coming (and second coming) than to make your soul into a bed of clean straw for Him to sleep on? Just as the Church encourages its flock to frequent confession during spiritual times of preparation (like Advent as we prepare for Christmas and Lent as we prepare for Easter), so too is your engagement a time of spiritual preparation. As your marriage approaches, go to confession! There are many stressful aspects of planning a wedding and they usually increase in the week before the big day as all of the final details are falling into place. Make sure you and your fiancé get to confession in that last week. You will be so relieved to be free of sin on your wedding day. One simple way to accomplish this is to ask your priest to offer the sacrament before the mass rehearsal so that everyone in your wedding party can come a bit early and make it to confession. My husband and I had our priest offer the sacrament of confession before our wedding rehearsal for ourselves and anyone who wanted to go, and I am so glad we did. It even helps a few of the wedding jitters to subside as well!
Looking back on my time of dating and engagement with my now husband, being physically pure and not going ‘too far’ is part of what may need to be confessed in this sacrament. During dating and engagement, saving the great gift of the conjugal act until marriage should always be on our minds, not only because passions can be strong, but more importantly because the exclusivity of marital intimacy is sacred and worth protecting. I remember that I saw my fiancé as my knight in shining armor, who knew the lines which should not be crossed in physical affection, and I trusted him that we would never cross those lines together before marriage. I saw him to have incredible strength of will and resolve not to sin. I trusted him to be strong and stop when we needed to. By the grace of God, we both persevered in this goal and remained celibate until our wedding night, but in hindsight, there is always room for improvement in avoiding the near occasion of sin during engagement.
Now, as a married woman, I know how easily and quickly even a hug for your future husband can lead his body down a path towards intimacy. Oftentimes this reaction by our bodies is no one’s fault; human sexuality is a beautiful gift from God, but the natural law and Christ our Lord commands us to share this gift only with our betrothed within the realm of marriage. This is more than just a command; God loves us more than we could ever love ourselves, and His commands should always be understood in light of the fact that through His love He wills our good. Looking back on our engagement, I could have done more to help back off sooner and should have more frequently been the one to stop hugging or kissing (it was usually he who stopped first). You can imagine the outcome if both parties have this nonchalant attitude of waiting for the other to stop. We can help our fiancés by being strong ourselves and not lingering long in physical affection. It is good and important for both the man and woman to have this great willpower and to save the amazing gift of the conjugal act until marriage. Not only that, but this time of engagement and the discipline required for physical purity will help prepare you as a married couple for those times of voluntary (think Natural Family Planning) or involuntary (after giving birth, or during my husband’s 10-month-long deployment to the Middle East) celibacy. Trust me, you won’t regret waiting until marriage!
Start to build the habit now with your fiancé of frequenting the sacraments together. Go to mass, go to confession, and pray together in preparation for marriage, just as we as the Church here on Earth prepare now in Advent for the coming of Christ at Christmas and for His second coming.
Anna at Cana
Married December 15, 2015 at Saint Patrick Church in Columbus Ohio // Mother of three on Earth and one in Heaven
