Each new season of life brings excitement and anticipation of the changes. Along with the excitement of engagement, so many decisions are flown your way. Not only are you making decisions about your wedding day, but you and your fiancé are also preparing for the rest of your lives together with the intention of delivering your spouse (and children) into eternity.
However, it can be difficult to know where to begin with each new season of life. When I was first hired at my first teaching position, I was struck how there was a gaping hole in my education to become a Middle School math teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for my education from a prominent Catholic university. I grew so much as a person and learned an exuberant amount of tools for teaching in my classroom someday. However, after I was hired, and the contract signed, I had absolutely no idea where to begin. The blank slate of a classroom was terrifying. All of my training and shadowing other teachers began after the school year had started, after classroom procedures were defined and routines set. Even after a four-year degree, I felt like I was thrown into the deep end. How would I get 25-30 thirteen year old students to actually start doing what I wanted them to do?
Similarly, as my husband and I were preparing for marriage in November of 2024, we each had an idea of what our picture perfect family life should look like. But this idea that we could see was 10 years down the line. How do we get there? As with teaching, I went to those more experienced. Our Catholic couple we were paired with during marriage prep, my sisters, and other families from the parish were great inspirations. But the starting place that I needed, I finally got from reading The Little Oratory by Leila Marie Lawler and David Clayton. It seemed to be the piece that I was missing to get started in building our Catholic Home.
Leila Marie Lawler’s premise is that each home should have an altar. It is just a humble table or shelf that is a visible sign of the unity of “the truth of Jesus’ precept that the Christian life comes down to two things: love of God and love of neighbor (Matt. 22:37-39). At the center of the first is our worship at Mass; the center of the second is built in the home and radiates outward.” Our little altar has become the root of our prayer life. Not only are we praying together as a family, we are living liturgically. As our family has changed, our altar has too. I put this crucifix from the Catholic Company on our wedding registry. The altar cloth changes with the seasons (currently, the cloth is a purple curtain I found for $3 at a thrift store that I sewed some black lace on for Lent. The other curtain panel eventually will get some pink ribbon for Advent). The newest development is a little frame that changes with the devotion of the month (February is devoted to the Holy Family).
This little place in our home has become our visible reminder that we have a higher purpose. Family life can be hectic at times, but prayer can be our constant source of peace. Yes, even with an infant screeching because she just found out that she can use her voice and she wants to join in (I have a 4 month old daughter, ask me how I know). We have built in times that other activities stop and we come together as a family to pray. Trust me, the dishes will still be there when you are done. A two minute noon Angelus isn’t going to hurt them.
As you and your fiancé approach your wedding day, I encourage you to have the discussion of your vision of your Catholic home. The home altar is a physical element, but the spiritual element to match it, is so much more important. And the key? Start now. It’s probably not going to match your picture perfect vision. But put a little crucifix on a cloth napkin on a book shelf, and start a nightly phone call decade of the rosary with your fiancé. Start small and build up. I highly recommend envisioning your altar and putting specific sacramentals for it on your registry. Start small with the crucifix I mentioned previously from the Catholic Company, or, if I’ve fully convinced you of the importance of a home altar, be bold and add a pair of kneelers for you and your fiancé to your wedding registry! Your family and friends would love to help you build your Catholic home. The Church has so many traditions through the ages that we can draw to be a part of our Catholic home, so what do you want to be your own new family’s tradition?
Liz at Cana
Married November 9, 2024 at Saint Patrick Church in Columbus, Ohio
Mother to one
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