It's wedding season! (Or really, any time of the year is a great time to receive the sacrament of Matrimony. You can take it from me, someone whose wedding was on a rainy December 15th in Ohio. It was still an amazing and unforgettable day, despite the cold and rain!) If you did not know, this is also the priestly ordination season. Maybe you have been to an ordination recently or have one coming up soon. I know, I know - you are engaged to be married not getting ready for the priesthood, but recently, after attending the priestly ordination of nine men for the archdiocese of Cincinnati, Ohio, I realized that there are a number of things to learn and reflect upon for engaged couples.
On the rainy drive down to Cincinnati for the ordination, my husband and I talked about how an ordination, the sacrament of holy orders, is similar and different from a wedding, the sacrament of Matrimony. Notably, both have a preparation and discernment period, then at the end of each is a total gift of self to another. Some differences we discussed were the length of these periods and the intensity of preparation. My husband and I were engaged for six months before our wedding. We attended each meeting with our priest, sponsor couple, NFP class, and Pre-Cana retreat with excitement and a real zeal for learning. However, we realized that our engagement was hardly any time at all and much less vigorous of a preparation, compared to the 5-13 years of challenging formation and full schedule of spiritual practices required of each man before being ordained a priest. We were grateful that we didn’t have to wait that long to be married, but also could see the good in being better prepared for marriage.
Relatedly, we also discussed how our Bishop recently extended the time frame of expected preparation for marriage to 9-12 months. At first this news was surprising to my husband and I, but his reasoning was logical. Better preparation is necessary amid a culture of rising rates of divorce and separations. The noted pastoral concern that had arisen was, “Are the persons contracting marriage really prepared for it?” (For full text read here see page 31).
Maybe the most famous example of poor preparation for marriage was recorded in John 2:1-11. The wine failed. How embarrassing! The newly married couple should have planned for more than enough, but they tried to cut corners in cost or poorly counted their RSVPs (they probably didn’t use Cana to manage their guest list). But what was their saving grace? Mary and Jesus were invited to the wedding. Through the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary, Jesus filled to excess what was lacking in the failure of the bride and groom's preparations. We continued to discuss how it is important for engaged couples to take the Pre-Cana classes seriously (as diligently as a man studying for the priesthood) and to fully understand that marriage is a life-long commitment; divorce is not an option (just as priests are a priest forever in the order of Melchizedek). Maybe the most important of all preparations is to invite Jesus and Mary into your relationship and into your wedding preparations and into your marriage. “Keep Christ at the center of your wedding” as the Cana wedding platform says on its home page.
How can you practically be better prepared for a life-long sacramental marriage?
- As we learn from the marriage at Cana, invite Jesus and Mary to be in your future marriage. Pray together using the intercession of Jesus’ mother Mary and ask for Jesus to fill up all of your failures in preparations with love and joy.
- Pray a novena to end on your wedding day. Invite each of your guests to join you in the novena prayer. Here is a website to help.
- Leave two seats open at your wedding reception for Jesus and Mary. Put their framed pictures at the open seats to remind you and your other guests to call upon the Lord when in need. Seat Jesus and Mary right next to you if you wish or at the head table somewhere (This is a physical reminder of a spiritual reality). Then you could use those pictures to adorn your future home together in order to continuously remind you and your future children that Jesus and Mary are welcome and that Jesus is King of your future home. (Read more on the Sacred Heart enthronement here. My husband entrusted our home to the Sacred Heart the year following our marriage).
- Go beyond your Pre-Cana classes and training. Read and research on your own time and then discuss everything with your fiance. Dive into the deep well of Church documents on the beauty of the sacrament of marriage and the family. Here are some places you could start:
- The Catechism of the Catholic Church (paragraphs 1601-1666 and 2331-2400)
- Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern world Gaudium et Spes (paragraphs 47-52) by Pope Paul VI
- Encyclical Casti Connubi of Pope Pius XI on Christian Marriage
- Encyclical Letter Humane Vitae by Pope Paul VI on the Regulation of Birth
- Apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio of Pope John Paul II on the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World
- Of course there are numerous modern catholic books and podcasts to help in your marriage and family preparation as well. I’ve recently been enjoying listening to the podcast Beloved and Blessed by Kimberly Hahn. She has a number of helpful podcasts specifically on engagement and advice on building a relationship with your in-laws that are incredibly insightful and helpful.
I hope that by reading this article, you come away with a renewed desire and inspiration of how to prepare well for your marriage and more fully understand the great importance of doing so. The time to prepare is now. Don’t let the wine run out! God bless you. Be assured of the daily prayers of the Cana team for you!
Anna at Cana
Married December 15, 2018 at Saint Patrick Church in Columbus, Ohio
Mother of three on Earth and 1 in heaven
PS. If you are engaged and have not yet signed up for Cana, sign up here! If you already have a wedding website with the other guys, don’t worry, there’s still time to switch :)
