Lingering deep in your heart may be the lie that married life is second best, that it is for all those people who are “less than” or less holy than those people called to the priesthood or religious life. Our Holy Father Pope Leo XIV recently spoke to 600,000 young people at a prayer vigil in Spain. A small group asked him questions about some of the challenges that they face today. Upon answering a question from a recently married young man, he joyfully congratulated and gave his best wishes to those soon to be married! He gave his encouragement to those that know that they are not called to the priesthood or religious life to not be afraid to get married and start a family: “As I said before, do not be afraid to consider a vocation-marriage is also a vocation. Do not be afraid of marriage and starting a family.” His words have been heard around the world. (See the full text of the prayer vigil here and a Youtube short of this comment.)
This was a really wonderful reminder that marriage is no less of a vocation than the priesthood or religious life. We live in a time when fewer people are getting married and having children than ever and divorce and cohabitation are rampant. It is good to be reminded that both the priesthood and marriage are worthy vocations. Each of these have been elevated by Christ to the level of a sacrament, which are given to the Church as a sure pathway for grace! In heaven, there are more than just Italian priests, virgins, martyrs, and those who start religious orders; it's true: married couples, moms, and dads can be Saints too! Check out my personal favorites, the first married couple to be canonized together in 2015: Saints Louis Martin and Marie-Azélie Guérin, whose feast day is today, July 12!
Recently, I have been reflecting on how marriage was not created as an afterthought, but it was first in the mind of God, from the beginning, at the creation of man and of woman. Adam and Eve were given to each other and united in the very first marriage by the blessing of God Himself! After the fall, sin entered the world and divorce was allowed as a concession because of the hardness of man’s hearts. But thanks be to God for sending His Son Jesus Christ to become man, suffer, die, and rise from the dead, not only for our salvation, but also in order to restore marriage to its former purity from the beginning, and to raise it to a great sacrament which He then entrusted to the care of the Church (cf. Casti Cannubii 1). Now, for all Christian marriages, man and woman are joined into one by God and no one can separate them. Divorce is not possible in the New Law. (cf. Mark 10:8-12).
Being first in the mind of God, it of course follows that marriage was first in the mind of Christ during His earthly ministry. His first recorded public miracle was to bless the man and wife at Cana, and it was then that He elevated marriage to a sacrament. You will soon be married and your union will be blessed by God as well. Do not forget the dignity of your sacramental marriage blessed by God himself; it is a bond that cannot be broken!
Furthermore, I had a profound realization about the “abiding character” of the sacrament of matrimony. This may further help you realize how awesome this sacrament is that you are about to enter into! I was reading the book Cana is Forever by Charles Hugo Doyle, and in the chapter called, “The Great Sacrament” he explains how St. Robert Bellarmine compares marriage to the Eucharist. You may remember that the Body and Blood of Christ remain the very substance of the sacrament of the holy Eucharist as long as the accidents of bread and wine remain uncorrupted and as long as the bread or wine are not divided into such small pieces that the nature of bread and wine no longer exists. (See Catholic Answers for further explanation.) Matrimony is like the holy Eucharist, as long as both the husband and wife live, their life together is a sacrament! (This explanation blew my mind!) The grace of the sacrament of matrimony is always flowing and God is continuously giving the help needed through all of the trials and difficulties as long as you both live. Remember, you will soon vow before God and His Church to take your husband (or wife) for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part. So, when difficulties come, ask God for help and this special grace of the sacrament will be given to you!
Now, back to Pope Leo’s comments. He said do not be afraid of marriage and starting a family. You are well on your way to fulfilling your call to the vocation of marriage (and using Cana for your wedding website, RSVP collector, wedding vendor directory, and gift registry, etc.), but Pope Leo also says don’t be afraid of starting a family. God blessed Adam and Eve in marriage, then he told them to increase and multiply (cf. Gen 1:28). God did not say that you can wait until you have had sufficient “travels around my world” or have had “time for just the two of you” or wait until you're “ready” or have had the “perfect career” of tilling the earth before having kids. (This could be quite funny if you think of Adam and Eve giving these excuses to God for waiting to be fruitful and multiply.) Rather, God has given this command to be fruitful and multiply for our own happiness. Sacred Scripture only speaks of children as blessings. Here is an example: “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.” (Psalm 128:3-4) Furthermore, the Church as well tells us that children are the greatest gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the happiness of their parents (cf. Gaudium et Spes 50).
I can tell you from experience, having children right away after getting married has made me so happy, fulfilled, and has changed me for the better. I do not regret forgoing the long, drawn out period of “focusing on us” time for something much greater: children. I promise, your future children will make you a Saint in ways that your future husband cannot, as you will find, they are far more needy. It is because of them that I am able to practice being more selfless, patient, and loving. There is something about an infant's cry or toddler calling “mommy!” in the middle of the night that instantly gets my loving (and tired) attention in a way that my husband’s call does not. It is for them that I am willing to jump out of bed, lose sleep, find a baby doll or a small lego piece, and a million other little sacrifices, such that, little by little, by God’s grace, they will help bring me to perfection. As Dr. Scott Hahn and Curtis Mitch write in their reflection on 1 Timothy 2:15 in the Ignatius Catholic Study Bible, “Motherhood can be a means of sanctification and salvation, provided the woman exemplifies feminine virtues.”
Let us all strive to be Saints in the vocation that we have been called to. The sacrament of marriage for two baptized people is an unbreakable bond with such dignity that we are called to to signify to the world the love of Christ for His church (cf. Ephesians 5:22-33). Remember this as you approach your wedding day!
Anna at Cana
Married December 15, 2018 at Saint Patrick Church in Columbus, Ohio
Mother of three on Earth and 1 in heaven
PS. Here are some songs I love that are inspiring and directly related to this topic of being Saints and the gift that children are. They are by Danielle Rose called: Saint that is Just Me and Not a Burden. Enjoy!
PPS. If you are engaged and have not yet signed up for Cana, sign up here! If you already have a wedding website with the other guys, don’t worry, there’s still time to switch :)
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